Why “A Private Affair?” Because this is what we are encouraging couples to consider. Something delicious to look forward to over the Christmas holidays! What did YOU get for Christmas?
Not, however, in the “Ashley Madison” sense, which is the site that invites you to enjoy the ravishing delights of exciting sexual love by also having a secret, private affair. Their motto? “Life is Short. Have an affair.” Sounds interesting! If you dig a bit deeper, you will see that for just $249 USD (or 1000 credits) your affair through their discrete program is guaranteed! So simple, and not nearly as expensive as I’d imagined. What’s not to like?
In our “Ask Me!” post, we made mention of Rabbi Shmuley Boteach’s book “Kosher Adultery,” in which he suggested that couples can and should consider experimenting with the illicit excitement of an affair (emotional, intellectual, sexual) but within the context of their marriage; with their own spouse.
Whether you think the sentiment of this provocative language (“adultery”) is helpful or not, his invitation toward much greater risk-taking and extravagance in marriage sounds intriguing. But, honestly, is this renewed excitement and passion within a marriage possible? Haven’t we come to believe and accept that marriage (as Shmuley suggests) is a steady, calm and predictable experience; nice but not exciting, certainly not passionate; while an affair is a thrilling and intensely joyful ride, where our hearts feel totally alive, with our spirit engaged?
Floating along in a nice but rather predictable, old-feeling and only marginally sexual (once a week say, and “ho-hum”) marriage? Ever wonder… about what an affair might really be like? Rabbi Shmuley describes this bored spouse and their wanderlust for this kind of passion and excitement…
“…it is then that they eye the parallel flowing river of adultery with envy and curiosity. Its torrent is inviting. Its waves heave in an orgasmic swell. They are sucked in by its surf, invited in by its vortex, tempted by is promise of turbulence and excitement. And they are prepared to forsake all to rise and roll with its tide. Adultery is a magnet to married men and women whose lives have become cold like steel.
But the jolts and jerks of this violent river eventually exact their toll. Joints come out of socket, bones get broken, and soon the partners in the rickety raft end up washed up on the shore, a motley pile of shattered hearts and battered dreams. It’s at this point that they look longingly over their shoulder, back to the other river, and wonder if they could ever rejoin its tranquillity. Their ardour and excitement is transformed to humility and regret as they beg their partners to take them back. Often, however, they find that their partners have continued along their steady, fixed course, leaving them behind with nary a second glance.” – Kosher Adultery, by Rabbi Shmuley Boteach
It seems then that this Rabbi is not encouraging extramarital affairs. I suspected as much.
But in this very compelling book (Kosher Adultery) Shumley suggests that “by sharing the intimacy of Kosher Adultery with your partner, by inviting forbiddenness, secrecy, danger and tension into your marriage, the two rivers” (calm and steady, next to sexual passion, fire and delight) “merge so that they may run in unison.”
One idea from Shumley’s “Kosher Adultery”…
“While people must not violate the sanctity and trust of a marriage, they must remember they are married not just to a person, but to a sexually attractive, lustful person. They must be aware of the fact that their spouse is attracted to, and attractive to, many members of the opposite sex.
…focusing on the attractiveness of our spouse to strangers makes him or her more attractive in our eyes, and brings passion and energy into a lifeless relationship.”
Kosher Adultery – by Rabbi Shmuley Boteach
I recommend Shumley’s book as a great primer to lubricate your marriage and to help establish some of the rich tension and excitement which I believe marriage can have, but so seldom enjoys. We know this to be true. Marital poverty and sexual poverty in marriage has become acceptable and expected.
Like Ebenezer Scrooge, if years from now we could look back on the marriage we’re having this Christmas season, would we wince with pain and angst at a drab and loveless Christmas season remembered, or might we recall something delicious and exciting! Oh if only we could have a second chance at this first love!
Go for it!
Quite frankly, it’s a lot easier than going to the mall, and much more rewarding!
The “A Private Affair” game is a great way to flirt with this kind of intramarital affair this Christmas! The focus of the game (secrets, plans and promises) encourages the kind of affair you really can live with, with promises you really can keep!
Order yours right now! You are still in time (continental US and Canada) to really enjoy and play around a bit with someone’s (your!) spouse through this holiday time! A Private Affair is the perfect gift for your beloved! Won’t THEY be surprised!
(Scrooge wished he had. You can!)