WHAT’S MISSING IN OUR SEX LIFE?
We live in a world of sexual preoccupation, obsession and excess.
As we wearily watch our groceries being scanned at the checkout counter, near naked and busty women gaze at us lustily from magazine covers with the same feature articles we’ve seen for years; “Five Sex Secrets He Wants You to Know!,” “How to Drive a Woman Wild!,” or “Make Love All Night Long!” (Really?), “Beyond the ‘G’ Spot!” and of course, the latest surveys where we can compare our sexual habits, statistics, interests and fantasies with our neighbours, and with lovers in countries far away.
These days we have consultants for everything! You can’t uncork a bottle of wine, make a bed, blow your nose or shampoo your own hair, without an “expert” correcting your technique, and telling you just how it really should be done.
And of course, the sexual gurus also have the inside track on love, intimacy, hot sex, and the “secrets” we’re dying to know, and which again, we could never discover on our own, and with our own lover.
“Sexy” is applied to nearly everything, from cars to cell-phones, from salads to holiday destinations. We may be trying hard to experience and to enjoy our sexuality and yet so many complain that great sex is a fantasy, for movies and daydreams, but not for the average couple, and not for the marriage bed.
Daytime television features soaps obsessed with every kind of sexual intrigue and treatment, and the blatant, often coarse sexuality of music videos blasts away 24 hours a day. We are surrounded and enticed with sexual innuendo and suggestion, and entertained with soft pornography in regular network programming.
We may want to feel alive, and aware of the erotic, but we are bludgeoned with the explicit, and often experience so little subtlety, little seduction, perhaps very little mystery, and sometimes little sex, period!
Medication? Maybe that’s the answer! And so we wonder if we’re a part of that growing minority who are simply and sadly, “sexually dysfunctional.” More stimulation? Then we can always rub something tingly on our dulled private bits to wake them up!
We suspect that a happy sex life is somehow related to healthy relationships; to the intimacy that we want to have and enjoy. But somehow in the mad pace of life, and in the exhausting sunset hours of our day, there may be little sizzle, or “slap and tickle.” Perhaps there is even the reluctant acceptance that this is how life must be.
In a nutshell, we are interested, perchance over-stimulated, but tired, and maybe even bored! And worse yet, many of us have concluded that this lack-luster experience is normal, unavoidable, and perhaps even acceptable.
CAN A GAME REALLY HELP US HAVE BETTER SEX?
Enjoying really great sex may not be the goal or pinnacle experience of life. Our intent is not to add to the tiring and confusing sexual obsessing and skewed perspectives that dominate our culture.
Rather, we feel that our healthy and robust sexuality may need renewal. Why not?
This may require some new initiatives, along with examining the demands and distractions in life which impoverish not only our sex lives, but also the other sensual, creative and spiritual experiences of life.
WHAT CAN HELP? (TALKING SEX!)
What is needed is an enticing and good path back into our own private affair.
What is missing is not more information about sex, but rather candid and playful dialogue that truly creates curiosity, interest, connection, seduction, and perhaps better and happier sex!
But how easily, and how well do we talk intimately together?
We’ve heard it suggested that the brain is the primary sex organ. This is where the real arousal, dalliance, flirting, and pursuit originate. This is where seduction is hoped for and schemed. The imagination is what runs wild first! So… talk to me!
HOW DO WE PLAY THE GAME?
Grab a handful of cards, and begin!
You can play over a romantic meal, over the phone, while out for a walk, in bed, in email and text messaging, and in a variety of other places and ways as suggested in the game instructions; (i.e. the “quickie,” the “lunchbox,” “fast and furious,” “let me guess,“ “going deeper,” “let me help you drive,“ etc.)
Six different types of cards, in a variety of ways invite you to respond by…
…revealing secrets, and disclosing details…
…making very specific wishes and detailed requests…
…considering various erotic scenarios and vignettes together…
…sharing your expert opinion, and offering personal definitions…
…responding to romantic and sexual quotes…
…suggesting and exploring various fantasies together…
Other cards, such as the “roll over,” “wild” and “personalized” cards allow us to pursue each other around topics that we’ve first had to disclose and reveal to our partner! The enclosed pad of SUDS sheets allow you to keep track of the disclosed secrets, and the new plans and promises made. These you hide in a very specific place; (see game instructions for variation details).
Quite simply, you are invited, and prompted in very specific and leading ways, to converse very sexually with each other, to “talk sex” with abandonment and vulnerability, and perhaps in ways that we have never yet ventured, or perhaps, not for a long time.
Without this very candid and honest communicating, most couples are left to guesswork, and often to misunderstanding, and disappointment. Dull routines are set, and a lackluster sex life ensues. “Do you want to ‘fool around?’ …No? …ok…”
TELL ME ABOUT THE CARDS!
Five hundred beautifully and individually illustrated cards are neatly packaged into our attractive APA game box, along with the game pins, SUDS sheets, and instructions.
The cards are divided into four colour groups:
- SCARLET: Invitations to share secrets, and to make disclosures.
- OLIVE: Requests or wishes, and erotic vignettes.
- COBALT BLUE: Expert opinions, and definitions.
- MOCHA: Fantasies and quotes.
There are also 25 “roll over” cards, 20 “wild cards,” and 15 blank cards for you to personalize to your own tastes!
ARE THE CARDS ALL ABOUT SEX?
While they are all crafted to encourage us toward deeper intimacy, many of the cards are not about sex directly, but about many other aspects of our lives. By sharing honestly and directly with each other, sometimes disclosing thoughts and ideas we often keep to ourselves, we plumb the depths of all sorts of other intimate appetites, thoughts and dreams.
The philosopher Paul Tillich (1886-1965) once said that, “the first duty of love is to listen.” The cards draw us into listening. With growing understanding, love in all its aspects can grow.
Really good sex often starts with a conversation.
ex-plic-it / ARE THE CARDS EXPLICIT?
Yes! Good conversation, good relationships and good loving is explicit. We need to be explicit with each other, and good sex is certainly very explicit.
According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, explicit means: fully revealed or expressed without vagueness, implication, or ambiguity: leaving no question as to meaning or intent.
The ideas, questions, suggestions and some of the drawings on many of the cards are sexually explicit. But remember, this is a “private affair,” and if we want to move into more honest and intimate places, then being verbally explicit can lead the way to this deeper trust and enjoyment of each other.
Great sex is part of a desire to know, and to be known, in exclusive and explicit ways. This can only be done with kindness, but we do need to explore new ways to be open with each other. This in no way disregards the sweet subtlety of seduction, or the right desire to keep mystery and intrigue at the heart of our love lives. However, most couples need to risk more, not less vulnerability. It is a good idea, but where can we start?
Pick up a card!
And remember, it’s not so much the sexual explicitness that arouses and excites, as much as the private and unspoken being disclosed, and candidly discussed!
In the game, you are permitted to skip one, but not more than one card. You may then have to make a choice about which of the two chosen cards you will “dive into” with your partner.
Sexually explicit conversation with a group of people is fairly pointless, irrelevant, and often even boring. The discomfort you may have with this is quite natural and well-placed. Sexually explicit conversation with our lover, is a very different matter! Let the games begin!
ARE THE CARDS ALL QUESTIONS TO ANSWER?
No. Some ask for your opinion, others for a personal definition. Some invite you to suggest plans, others ask for you to discuss a quotation. Some ask you to invent a brief sexual scenario using the words the card suggest.
Other cards invite you to explore specific fantasies together. The majority of the cards however, invite you to reveal your thoughts and ideas about sex, and sexual and emotional intimacy. And as mentioned elsewhere, there are a number of wild cards, “roll-over” cards, and personalized cards.
The personalized cards are blanks which allow you to pose your own questions and suggestions. Keep in mind however, that you may draw these cards first!
WHAT ARE THE APA LAPEL PINS FOR?
Each game comes with two lapel pins sporting the game’s “bedroom window” image. Game instructions suggest what “message” you may wish to convey to your partner by wearing these. They can become part of your secret dialogue with each other in public, and are a very interesting conversation piece! Imagine when you see one worn by someone else?
WHAT IF OUR LOVE LIFE IS ALREADY JUST FINE?
Is APA only for couples who are discouraged about their love lives? Absolutely not! APA cracks open our dialogue so we can share and grow into deeper relationship and enjoyment of life together.
We can love and help each other best when we know and understand our partner well. The game celebrates our relationships and our shared history. It also moves us toward greater physical and emotional intimacy through the striptease of revealing conversation, and the pleasure of making new plans together.
Let the games begin!